Beginnings

Not all that awaits me is an ending. There are a fair few beginnings as well. The one I am most looking forward to is the beginning of my relationship. I have had the honor of being girlfriend to the man of my dreams for almost four months (and friends with him for well over a year prior to that). I know I go on about him a lot, but it's because he makes me so happy. We've been in a long distance relationship this whole time. We have managed to see each other quite a bit, but between those wonderful times, there have been gaps of 3-4 weeks. Next week, the long distance part goes away and we will be in a regular, "Good morning, Honey. How did you sleep?", "What do you want for dinner?" relationship. A walks in the evening, date nights to Mount Washington, Saturday errands, lazy Sunday mornings watching movies and eating pancakes kind of relationship. A nice, normal relationship where I can lie on the couch and read a book while he kills zombies on his Xbox. A regular life where we can cook each other dinner, then burn off the calories in creative and fun ways. There will be concerts, trips out of state to see friends and family, evenings downtown, and other excitement, which I can't wait for. But what I most look forward to in our relationship is falling asleep with him, waking up with him, and living life with him.

He has inspired me to do things I used to love doing. These are things I should have been doing in the first place, but for various reasons I wasn't. It's not that I'm doing these things to impress him or because I feel I need to be more creative to be with him. I've done a lot of drawing, photography, painting, and writing throughout my life and I'd gotten away from it for so many reasons in the past 10 or so years. I've missed all of it so much that doing it again is really making a huge difference in my life.

With this blog, I've attempted to write more than just a day to day stream of feelings and happenings. Some of the entries were inspired by odd things and I tried to make them sort of writing exercises rather than strictly journal entries. There are two, maybe three that I'm actually somewhat happy with. The idea of writing each day has gotten me excited to the point where I've made time to sit down and work on it. I've got a long way to go before I'll be able to write the stories that have lived in my head for so many years, but I'm content with practicing and learning for the time being.

In my little cheap sketch book, there are now two drawings. One is the one I had mentioned several weeks ago, which is shown here. I'm not particularly happy with the right side cliff, and the white are left of center is supposed to be water, but I've been too afraid to attempt to actually draw it. It's likely as done as it's going to be for a while.

The other is a more feminine tree. It's got no background or setting at all, really. It's just a figure. I think if I ever get back into painting, I may attempt to paint her. Or if I ever actually get up enough nerve to attempt to learn Photoshop again, I may try to fix that one. Each of these drawings began as discarded sketches that I went back to several weeks after the fact.

I'm still scared, but I'm also ready. Ready for whatever comes. Ready to stand up and start walking the path.