Thankful

A while back, I went through what is probably the worst time of my life. It devastated me, but i also forced me to reevaluate my life. After the initial trauma subsided, I decided I was worth more than I had always sought out and I started thinking about what I wanted and needed from life. I asked myself what were the things that sustained me, and what were the things that would be most important. Some things stayed the same, while others changed.

I'd always wanted a relationship with someone I could be happy with, even if we were homeless or the last people on Earth. I also wanted to be generally a happy person, knowing what real happiness felt like. I wanted to go to school and learn, and find a way to not only practice my faith, but live it too. And I wanted my family with me (the ones I had already, and any more I may find).

One day, I sat and thought about the person I'd want to end up with. I confess, it's because I had signed up to a few dating sites to see if I could still even attract someone. I did, but they weren't necessarily people I wanted to be with. I ended up making a rough list of what the perfect man for me would be. It ranged from the superficial right on through to the very deep.

But the list didn't come completely out of my head. I thought back to everything I had ever been attracted to in people, as well as what I wished people I had been with were like, but also I remembered back to a few dreams I had had throughout my life. These dreams were wonderful and happy dreams that would depress me when I woke up realising they weren't real. Through all of this, I decided I wanted him to be between 31-39 yeas old, have long hair (I've always loved a longhair, but ended up with short haired men), facial hair (preferably an epic Viking beard), would either have reddish or black hair, Have tattoos, be taller than me, like metal music, enjoy at least some of the same books and music I do, and enjoy being outside. He should be intelligent and able to have conversations, but also someone who wouldn't use his intelligence to make others feel inferior. He should be an artist or a musician, someone who is creative. I wanted him to be open with his emotions, kind, loving, not afraid to kiss me in public, and for him to be able to understand me and I, him. I wanted a Heathen that I could share my faith with, and someone with similar values and views that I could share my life with. I hoped he wouldn't have kids yet, and I wanted him to be a non-smoker. This isn't the entire list, as I did it in my head, but that's the gist of it. I didn't expect I'd find even half of that in one person, but it was good to have an idea.

I found that there were two dating sites devoted to people who liked metal. I created profiles on both of them, not necessarily expecting much. There were under 1000 people on each at the time, and many of the people were in Europe. I did talk to a few people that were either too young, too far away, or I just wasn't interested in beyond friendship. I made some short term friends, and one long term one through the experience. But one day, someone popped up on the new members of one of the sites. He was gorgeous with the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. When I read his profile, I saw how much we had in common and how much of my little list he met. and I hoped he would contact me. I was afraid to send the email myself, but I was interested enough that I decided I would if I hadn't heard from him in a few days. The next day, there was a message on the site. I checked and it was from him. We emailed for a long time and I found just how deep the similarities went.

The rest of this story is known by anyone who may have read more of this, because this man is the man who, on a bridge overlooking a river in Pittsburgh on a hot July night, kissed me for the first time and changed my life.

I'm so thankful for him, his love, and the way he believes in me. I am thankful that he has let me be a part of his life. I'm thankful for what we have now, and for the promise that our future holds. I'm thankful that I've got happiness with him, and that I have someone I would be happy with, even if we were the last people on Earth.

Tomorrow, I'll look at you, my Love, and give thanks for all that you are to me. I will hold your hand and be thankful for all the ways you've changed me, and my life, for the better. I'll also hope that I bring you even half the joy you bring me.