Through His Eyes

I'm trying to stop seeing myself through the filter I've created for myself. I've been so negative about myself for far too long, and with fairly good reason. My father's philosophy with me was "If you don't have anything mean to say, don't say anything at all". I've also had some people who were close to me do some things that kind of messed with my head.  But there comes a time when I can't hide behind that anymore. I'm a grown woman and it's time to take ownership of who I am now.

In reality, I have accomplished a few things that I have every right to be proud of. I've always had a hard time with being proud of myself, never feeling like I had the right. I've got a couple of goals that I have to keep in my head, and not allow them to be optional. Well, the job one will never be optional, but the school goal has always been something I'd pushed off in favor of other things. But I like accomplishing things. I like the feeling that I've done something good. I also like the idea of doing something that the people I love will be proud of.

And then there is the thing that means the most to me, which is the fact that there is someone who believes in me, and is not afraid to tell me so. There is a man who values me as much as I value him. To him, I'm beautiful. To him, I'm intelligent. To him, I'm a good person. He sees me as a good addition to his life. He's supportive, loving, and completely amazing. I have to remember that I'm the woman that this man wants to be with, and there has to be a reason. He sees things in me that not many have seen before (if anyone). I am so lucky to have found the man who, until recently, I'd only though lived in my dreams. I'm even luckier that he seems to feel somewhat the same about me.

I really should start looking at myself a little less through the grey filter I've created for myself, and a little more through his eyes. It is in those eyes that I feel most at ease, that I've found home and contentment. It should be in those eyes that I see myself.