The illusive Plan B

As I mentioned, my "Plan A" was to get a temp job here, save some money, then get a job there and be able to get a place of my own right away. Well, it seems that the job market here is so depressed at the moment, that getting a job has proven to be very difficult. I've been selective on what I applied to, favoring places that likely wouldn't have to train me for several weeks, only to have me leave a short time later. Quite unselfish, I am. /breaks arm patting self on the back

Ahem... Anyway, I really figured I could score a retail job or something, but no. I've been feeling inadequate and generally like a big giant failure. I felt like I was disappointing the people I love, and letting myself down. I tortured myself (and though he would vehemently disagree with me, I think I tortured my love a little bit as well). Two things you will learn about me is that I am stubborn, and I don't like asking for (or accepting) help as i feel like a burden or a hassle. My original plan meant I could do everything myself without having to put anyone out. If I could afford a place immediately, I wouldn't have to worry about staying with anyone temporarily. If I had a good stockpile of cash, I wouldn't have to impose on anyone at all. Yeah, and if I had a million dollars, I'd never worry again. Wishes are nice and all, but highly impractical most of the time. Essentially, Plan A was a good plan. It was the "most responsible" plan, but also the one most relying on the perfect world. It was also the plan most appealing to the Stubborn Island sensibilities I've held so dear.

Plan B is the one where I have to rely on other people a little bit. I scrap the futile search for a temp job (well, I haven't scrapped it, just stopped worrying so much) and focus on the job search there instead. I'm trying to find a job to start in November. It's going to involve staying with someone else for a few weeks or a month, which I wasn't looking forward to having to do. It also means I'm going to have to step up my game a bit and really get as much as possible done here before I go, since I'm going to be leaving some stuff here for a little while until I get the place. I have to network and ask people I know for help with the job search. I'm imposing on my love by staying with him for a few weeks. And I'm not going to have it all together immediately.

BUT! What plan b has taught me, or rather reminded me, is that I am not alone in this world. I've got people who are willing to help me. I have someone who believes in me far more than I've ever believed in myself. I have someone who loves me and wants me around. I trust him completely and when he says it's going to be okay, I know it will.

Besides, staying with him for a little while gives me the opportunity to fall asleep next to him, and to wake up to him in the morning for a while. Sure, once I have my own place, we'll have sleep overs, but for my first few weeks in the new place, it'll be so nice to wake up and see something so familiar and so comforting: his smile.