Who am I?

I had a plan, I really did.

Now, I just don't know anymore. I mean, I know what I want for the future, but there are three things that just don't go together as well in practice as they do in theory. Even focusing on two and forgoing (or stalling) the third isn't necessarily something that will completely work. Part of it is I'm really feeling my age creep up on me. Realistically, I'm not old, but my age IS going to limit the time I have for a lot of things. I don't want to dwell on anything, but I do wish I was a lot younger when I found all of what I have now.

My head has been spinning for a while now trying to process this all. Maybe I'm being greedy. I love what I have, but I want as much time as possible. I want to be able to do everything, but I don't know if I'll have the time. I've never taken reminders of my own mortality very well. And oddly, it's always been good things that have pushed me toward this line of thinking. The infinity of the universe, the blessings that I want to hang on to, the good future I envision...

Not to mention the fact that I still don't quite know who I am. I am the Lady of a wonderful man, and (as he has told me) the light of his life.I am the daughter that my Mother loves. I'm the long-distance Mommy of a pretty little bichon frise lady. I'm the adopted child of Papa L (though he loves me like I'm his blood). I'm aunt to the two most awesome little girls in the world. I'm sister to a cool brother (that I don't get to see very often). I'm kin to two great people. I'm a friend to a few others. I love being all of these things, but what am I if I'm by myself?

Lately, I've been a bit of a Facebook addict, a serious dreamer, a master chef and decorator in my own mind (too much Food Network and HGTV). I've been attempting to also be a good house-girlfriend. It's not that I feel it's expected or that I must, but I want to contribute.

But this still doesn't define who I am when I'm alone. I like to write, I love to draw, paint, sculpt and sew, I love to read (though it's less enjoyable with my eyes going, see the part about me being old above), I want to learn. But where do I go from there? How does that define me? I haven't a clue.